I’m fully aware it must seem I am rather fixated on traffic matters, having written about mysteries visible from Ocean Beach Road here, the dizzying array of speed limits within minuscule distances here, the way some seem to deeply resent my driving speed here. Actually, I’m not quite finished with that last one because of recent harrowing experiences, so I must ask your forbearance one more time.

Here’s the deal. Now I have a new car, one that has the remarkable safety features like the back up camera, the you’re-deviating-from-your-lane warning, the automatic braking feature when you’re about to run into something (which I have not actually tested but I believe in it). So instead of driving the 20-year-old car like I’ve been doing since I moved here, I am  now as outfitted as I will ever be, I could not be more ready for road duty.

But I still follow the speed limits, which apparently drives some of you crazy. Listen, I’m really sorry. I wish I could be different. I have tried not to be this way. It doesn’t work. I confess that I am not capable of speeding to facilitate your travel. Mind you, I’m not going slower than the speed limit, I’m at or a smidge above the limit. But I feel others must see me as a banana slug.

I guess I’m of the generation and gender where we were led to believe that rules and laws were thoughtfully developed for the good of the whole, and the smooth functioning of society actually depends on people believing that or at least acting like they do. Perhaps it was because I grew up without a lot of things in a much simpler time and place (not unlike the North Beach, but without the ocean). The truth is I have a very deep seated need to not feel entitled to break the social contract. I truly believe the rules apply to me and I am completely mystified when others don’t. When I witness people act like they feel what appears to me entitled and privileged, I have to leave the room, if not the entire region. I mean I have it really bad. I think my husband didn’t know what to make of me until he had known me for quite a while and realized, no, that’s the way she really is. She can’t not be this way. Completely incapable of change. I guess I’ll have to slow down so she’ll STFU.

The thing is, except for driving (and oh yeah, mask wearing sometimes), one thing I love about the North Beach is how down to earth and laid back and un-entitled-acting most people are. I love everybody I’ve come to know here. Except when they get behind the wheel. Why is everybody in such a hurry?? It seems so unbeachlike. This is how people drive in cities that turn them into rats driven mad in the maze. This is like an insane metropolitan everybody-wound-tight-moving-fast-take-no-prisoners approach. This is not being on beach time behavior! Maybe some are visitors from cities who are vacationing here, but I’m afraid this applies to locals too.

I have given this a great deal of pondering. Is everybody always running late? Do they put too many things in their daily planners or bullet journals? Are the trucks jacked up so high they can see over the all the other cars and hills and dales in the county? What is going on? And what about the more than a few roadside memorials that mark the way. Does that not give others pause? And all the WATCH OUT FOR DEER signs? And how at least every other person I’ve met has a “the deer that ran into my vehicle” story? 

Since I seem to be nearly alone in this matter, I figure everyone else is normal and there is something wrong with me. I googled it and could not find a miracle cure for my malady.

If there was a separate road system, like a series of frontage roads for speed limit obeyers, I would totally take it. But there isn’t, so I am begging for understanding and forgiveness. I wish I could go as fast as you want me to, I really do, but it’s hopeless. I am doomed. Do I need to get one of those signs shown above for my car? Would it help or make things worse?

I promise I am not doing it to make you mad or ruin your day. My driving is not about you, I don’t even know who you are. But the yelling and revving and nearly scraping my car off the road when you pass really scares me and I wonder if you’re carrying a weapon besides your vehicle. Like exactly how much danger is my life in right now? Should I just stay home the rest of my days?

I do stay home most of the time, I really do. I wait until I have at least a dozen things to do before I put the car in drive. So if and when you see me out and about, please don’t get mad and yell at me or menacingly climb up onto my back bumper or stomp on your horn or aim your lasers at my mirrors. It’s often hard to find a place to safely pull over and let you by on these narrow windy roads. I will if I can find one. But in the meantime, can you just be a little more patient with me? I can’t help it and it’s really scary for a little old lady like me.

I assure you I am pedaling as fast as I can.